happytee: icon (Default)
2013-03-16 01:10 pm

Perhaps typing it out will help.

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I'm working through last week's lecture slides. 
 
 
Although I am progressively getting through these slides, I don't feel like I'm actually making any progress whatsoever. 
I'm working away, but am I moving away? 
Slide after slide, question after question, but I don't seem to see a big picture, an overall meaning, a message, something that I can use to help me become a successful engineer.
I can't piece together these fragments of information I'm getting from completing these questions. What do these questions mean? How are they in anyway useful? How are they going help me achieve what I want to achieve in life? These questions are intangible, so intangible that I feel as though I'm wasting away my hours solving problems that don't need to be solved. 
So why should I keep diligently sitting here solving these complex-self-esteem-zapping-mind-racking problems, when I'm not gaining much else aside from a horrible head ache. 

I could give up entirely, give up this unit, give up my engineering course, since I don't see the point in following a path that leads to nowhere and instead follow a different route, one that's laden with wherever my heart leads me. 

I'm so lost :( 

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2013-03-15 08:37 pm

(no subject)

Feels good to be back in the groove of things :)



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happytee: icon (Default)
2013-03-15 12:10 am

(no subject)

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So tired of this crap.
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2013-03-14 09:32 am

Good Mornin'

I can still feel my food baby from last night's binge eating session. 

There's nothing I feel like more than going outside for a quick jog, a morning work out... and getting a food baby miscarriage. 

:)
I may have screwed up yesterday, but I'm going to do a better job today. 
 
Bring forth the day, Thursday. I'm ready for you!

happytee: icon (Default)
2013-03-13 08:13 pm

Binge Eating.

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Under stress.
Gotta eat. 

Food baby appears. 
I can't put up with this any more. 

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2013-03-12 11:37 pm

(no subject)

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I swear, the earlier I complete all of these, the lower the chance of me getting self-induced cancer from all this stress.......... ARGHH!!!
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2013-03-12 10:13 pm

Life Falling Apart.

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Hey Blog.
Another hectic day today.

Kind of overwhelmed by the amount of drama jam-packed into my everyday life, could my life be possibly made into a reality TV show?

Anyways,
I'm already falling terribly behind in 2 of my units.
Materials, I've given up on our lecturer, he's incoherent and I lack concentration, two things that do not mesh well together.
Dynamics, I need to start pen-to-papering.... and fast......

ARGHHH.... And I need to hand in application forms and visit my workplace to clarify some issues.... and I haven't exercised properly in days.. sigh* sigh* sigh*

My life is sooooo out of balance!! I need to make a cull-down lost of things to do and quick!!!!

I might post up a piccie of my list later on, if I feel it's necessary.

But yeah, what's been happening in my life recently... ahhh...
Well, I've met a new bunch of people, who are conveniently at the same place mostly every hour of the day. So, when I'm feeling a little lonely, or just need some distractions, I run up to there whereabouts to play Mah jong and chill with them :) They make me happy :) and they welcome me with both their arms wide open! It's the most wonderful feeling, to run off to a safe haven and to find friends just there waiting for you, all smiles, all stories to tell, all just the way a Tina likes it :)

I've also managed to find myself a peculiar friend during these past couple of weeks, one that likes to cuddle and kiss me on the cheeks a lot. A friend that I'm still learning about, gradually. A friend that I do care about.

I have to get some actual work done, actually, gonna make my list and then post it up here, just to solidify and makes things concrete!

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happytee: icon (Default)
2013-03-12 01:01 am

(no subject)

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Hey Blog.

So I feel like reviving my blog again.

Why? You may ask.

Well, I have a couple of reasons:
1) Interesting things have been happening and are definitely bound to happen (I can feel it crawling under my skin), and I want to document it :) so I can remember it forevezzz.

2) I like posting up photos, colours colours everywhere!

3) I need to practise my engrish.

4) To keep in contact w/ my friends.

5) Blogging can be used to self-reflect :)

And yeah :) That's about it. I will be busy, with Uni, studies, club events, my social life, exploring and learning about the world and part-time work :) but I will try and allocate out some time every few days or so to blog about my happenings :) just like old times. Now that I think about it, it will actually be quite easy for me to fall behind in my academics considering the amount of everything else I have to keep up with.

Oh dear, it's 2 am now, I have 8 more hours till another day of class, an interview, mahjong, an engineering meeting... such a hectic day. but I like being busy :) it keeps me on my tippy toes. 

Anyways, I gotta brush my teeth/wash my face and get a nap :) Nightios. 
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Mew perfect jumper <3

happytee: icon (Default)
2013-01-30 02:54 pm

Taekwondo or TaekwondNo?

I don't feel like attending taekwondo classes today. 

It's not the 20 minute bike ride I must take from home to University, or the fact that I'm being a lazy bum. It's the people in my club and how they make me feel. Out of all the members in the club, I only have a handful of members that I can actually call my friends. 
The rest are people who people I'm not very close to or either aren't very fond of me.

A lot of Monash taekwondo members like to drink and party together, which I find is an unproductive use of time so I don't usually go. Because of this, I feel a little out of the loop at times, friendships and bonds form in our club that I'm unaware of, so and so happened last night that I missed out on etc. I wouldn't care less about fitting in, but I don't want to feel uncomfortable or unsafe when I'm training with my club, which is currently how I feel and which is why I'm deciding on whether I should really go today or not. 

The truth is I've already made up my decision before I typed up this post. I'm going, not only because I'm already in my taekwondo gear, but most importantly - I need my daily share of exercise, getting out and keeping myself on my toes. At training, I will busy myself with improving my kicks and exercise, and not worry about what the others around me are thinking of me. 

Blog later ~

happytee: icon (Default)
2013-01-29 11:28 pm

The windows have reopened.


Hey everyBODAY! 
I'm back :) after a long time, a long break and a long time no see baby ;) 
I haven't been blogging this past month due to the fact that my eyesight is rapidly declining and I'm trying to limit my laptop usage times, also because I've been busying myself with things I have been busying myself with :)
I've set up a number of mini holiday projects for myself :) Here, I will give you a brief outline of them below: 
- Change my eating and exercise habits 
- Find a part time job in the engineering field
- Learn about investments and hopefully start my own investments
- Organise my academics before University starts
- Learn the splits  
- Visit the RSPCA at least once!  


Kate and I @ Mish's place
Me: are you getting smitten with me Kate?
- Kate pauses and her eyes wonder off for a brief moment before she jumps out of her chair and marches into the dining room muttering 'wait wait' - 
- I follow Kate into the dining room, curious - 
- Kate jumps out in front of me with a mitten over her hand - 
Kate: I am sMITTEN with you. hahaha. 
/face palm 


Me and my family friends discussing Life of Pi today: 
Julianna: My friends said Life of Pi was really life changing
Me: The only life changing moment I had whilst watching Life of Pi was having the sudden urge to kill myself. 

Worst movie ever. 


A large wave of change has come upon me these summer holidays, the majority of the change was contributed by my one and a half month stay in China. Change, how? I feel as though I've matured significantly (despite still getting up to my usual tom foolery antics) and I've started living the life I have dreamt out for myself, instead of backing away into the shadows of laziness and mediocrity. 
I probably sound like such a corn right now! But I really wouldn't care less! I've got so much planned, so much to do, to achieve, to learn, so much space to grow and have fun :)  

Tina's back witches :) 



happytee: icon (Default)
2012-12-10 09:10 am

I need a Piano.

If there's one thing I'm excellent at, it's driving things into the ground and consequently, destroying it to pieces. 

I like to test things, to see how far they can stretch before breaking. 

For example, just recently, I started testing how Asian students respond to different types of conversations.
I asked them rather direct (may have been offensive, although it wasn't my intention) questions and over exerted my confidence around them, confidence or just being plain annoying by not leaving them alone, I don't think there's a difference in this case.

There was one particular student in which I actually enjoyed talking to and liked as a person, I wanted to learn more about this person by chatting with them on QQ. What ended up happening was I annoyed/scared my friend off. 

Which begs the question, would I rather have bid my time and waited to have talked to my friend another day (we had already been talking for 30 minutes before my friend bailed on me and then came back online after like another 15 minutes - clear indication that my friend may want to avoid me) or should I talk to my friend now, grabbed this opportunity by the neck (I only have 20 more days until I head back to Aus), if I wanted to make friends, it would be now now now. 
I chose the second option and stuck with it, until my test gave solid results - that my new friend wasn't as interested in talking to me as I was in talking to my new friend. It was heart-wrenching news, one that I could not take because I was already brewing up an emotional turmoil for the past couple of days. So what did I do? I went a little around the bend and started digging my head in and my heart out, all I could think about my was this person, my faults on loop. I needed to get out and take a break, which isn't something simple when you're caught in a loop of emotions and sheer confusion.

But I don't think that making friends involves small chat on QQ, nor knowing each other for only 3 hours before launching into some super friendship that I've totally envisioned for myself and this person, it requires much much more being around each other (Asian students especially, need to feel they've spent enough quality time with you before they can truly let you in) and I feel foolish for jumping in and barging myself into my friend's new life - trying to make room for myself because I thought I was special, I would think my new friend doesn't think very highly of me in this present moment of time, not that my friend IS thinking of me at 5 am in the morning. 

It's not easy though. If I wasn't active and actually taking the initiative to get to know my new friends, I don't think things would progress very far or fast from just knowing each other on the surface, until I left to Australia forever. 

Maybe I had to be crafty with approaching this situation, perhaps there is a way to integrate yourself into one's life in a super short amount of time, I wish I knew how. 

As for now, I'm going to leave my new friend alone, despite every particle in my body protesting against my decision. Being away from Australia and friends makes you crave having friends even more and having barely any friends over here in China, I'm quite frankly bored and restless. 

Believe me though, I don't plan to make friends just to cure my boredom. I don't know why I want to make friends, I don't even know why I still haven't gone back to sleep. 

Anyways, resolution time. 
Don't try to contact my new friend, sort it out next Friday when you have class together, face to face is always better than chats on QQ and texting. Oh damn, I need to write a mini prep speech too before I talk to my new friend, I will need to fit that into my schedule.  
In the mean time, from now till class time, I want myself to find things to do around Beijing, have a poke around the neighbourhood, don't stay on the laptop/at your cousin's all day, get out and make something happen! I need to remind myself that there's more to life than just a particular person who has magically managed to take over my life in a matter of days, congratulations. 
Avoid QQ at all costs. 
Okay, it's a new day starting from when you wake up again in the next few hours. A new day, a clean slate, let's do this!
happytee: icon (Default)
2012-12-08 12:13 pm

(no subject)

Dear Blog,

I am so stupid.
Having been in China for 3 weeks already, and having only started attending University over here for 3 lessons, I have already crossed the line and continue to do so, inhibiting the ability for me to make any friends.

I'm currently blogging at the National Library of Beijing and this post is going to be about what I've learnt about Asian students.
I've noticed that Asian students are much more conservative, ESPECIALLY when it comes to dealing with other students of the opposite gender, they are super shy and treat every move between the opposite gender with extra precaution (which is seriously not a good thing in my case). Us, who have grown up in a Western culture are more openly friendly and tend to break the 'physical contact barrier' very early in our friendship with people of the opposite gender (via hugs, head patting, friendly arm around shoulder etc). These kids, take offence to head-patting, shy away from holding wrists (not hands) during stretching exercises, take interactions between people of the opposite genders WAY too seriously and THEY JUST ALL NEED TO CALM DOWN.

-breeeeathe-

I am not used to the students and their stringent behaviour over here. I am quite myself around these students, open and friendly. My openness towards them might be seen as a gesture of flirtiness from their perspective, which I assure you, is not my intention.

I'm on the verge of losing a guy friend I made literally 24 hours ago at taekwondo. He may have mistaken my confidence around him/openeness to express my thoughts as a signal of wanting to make babies with him or something worse.

I can't believe how much this is affecting my mood. I don't know how to conduct myself around these people, I don't know where to draw the line.
I may have lost a friend this time, as hard as it is may be for me to believe right now, but for everything I lose, I gain something else, I've gained experience. Although I'm not too sure I will be able to meet such a special friend again, it's extremely saddening. Perhaps I should try explaining to him and try clear up any misunderstandings, but that's in a week's time (which is too much time for something as important as this, and things like this can't just suffice with a text or a chat on QQ, it must be deal with FACE-TO-FACE) that's if I can find the courage to attend our next taekwondo class, given the fact that I probably did scare my new friend off.

Why is dealing with people so awkward :( I feel like a little green alien over here in China.
happytee: icon (Default)
2012-11-20 11:12 am

It's alll about youuuu, when the music takes us throughh.

Had the awesomest past couple of of days.
Spent a whole day with my bestie and partner in crime - Simon Ma, slept over at Andrew's,, clubbing with my Taekwondo peeps and lunching out with my girlfriends :) What an awesome summer :) No studying, just free time to do whatever I please. 

Now, I'm cleaning my room and packing my suit case for Thursday, when I leave to China for 2 months. Going to pick my dad up from the station in a couple of hours. 
There are so many things I will be leaving behind when I go to China, awesome events, summer, my friends, my best friend and so many responsibilities - enrolling in my university courses for next year, my library books. 

But I'm so excited. A new environment, new people, and I'm so much older than the tiny me that went to China years and years ago. Now, I'm a lady, reaching the cusp of womanhood and can take care of herself! What adventures will be waiting for me in China? Who will I meet? What new experiences will there be? What new things will I learn about the world and about myself? It will be awesome, I can feel it in my blood. Packing is exciting too, let's pump up some good music!
happytee: icon (Default)
2012-11-18 02:03 pm

Lovely Day Today :)

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Dreamt of my high school crush l'night for hell knows what reason. 
I'm starting to question whether I should pursue continuing my friendship with a particular person, he abused my trust, likes to keep his distance and I don't know him that well either.

Now, I'm soaking up the lovely sunny rays shining down through my bedroom window, lighting up my whole bedroom :D
I'm packing up for my China trip, sorting out my clothes and what not.
I'm going to bring my Taekwondo gear to China as well, because I'm going to be training in China and when I come back, I'm going to show my club how much I've improved, and even spar Kenny and give him a good tkd spanking for beating the daylights out of me on Friday during sparring. 
happytee: icon (Default)
2012-11-15 01:48 pm

Hectic Fridays, Uni LIfe

Blog Post in Progress: Last Day of Exams

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Weirdo besties.

Friday arrangements:

10am: Visit a Professor at University
1-3 pm: Lunch with girlfriends
4-6 pm: Taekwondo training at University
After training: Film me and other club members doing the Gangnam style dance for a Taekwondo/University Sports promotion video
Head to Maddie's for pre-drinks/preparations for clubbing
10 - morning: Clubbing in PJs with the Taekwondo crew (PJs is the theme)
Morning - some time: sleepover at Maddie's or find alternative routes home


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happytee: icon (Default)
2012-11-13 04:33 pm

Last Day of First Year At University.

As I put my pen down, signalling the end to our final exam and my final year of being a first year at university, well what can I say? I'm already 20% of an engineer and a successful business woman (a bit complacent there).
I took a big breath, it was a breath filled with freedom and adventure (woohoo! I'm going overseas in 2 weeks time!), no more was it the reek of cups of dried espresso that filled my nostrils whilst I lay in bed at night nor was in the dread of late night cramming, instead, I smelt the warm, friendly yet enlivening scent of summer and what new memories and experiences it will bring along this time. Summer 2013 baby, it's going to be unforgettable.
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After leaving our examination building, Simon and I sat down in a nearby shopping plaza to hold a friendly discussion as to what we should do to celebrate our exams. I ended up shooting down most of his suggestions via the scratching-my-chin-because-I’m-not-sure-if-that-idea-sounds-like-a-good-one. But hey guess what! We arrived at an idea that we both agreed to! What’s that Simon? Tina is the Queen Marvellous at coming up with great ideas? Yes I know, I can't help it, it's just who I am. Yeah so, we decided to goo Ikea to munch out and then going inside Ikea to explore it… it’s a pretty damn huge store, so there is a heck load of exploring to do. So it was there and then, that the two lionhearted best friends – Simon and Tina, both armed with negatively surplused Myki cards embarked on their perilous adventure towards their final destination, Ikea.

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Being an adventurer and all, we had to toughen through heavy rain and eventually-soaked-jeans, through nonchalantly watching water sprinklers wash out rain water off tennis courts and walking the wrong way..twice, through trudging up hills and contemplating whether to jump into puddles but not bothering to in the end, through grumbly mumbly tummies and getting distracted by cute dogs, and through talking about Simon’s fascination with Lego blocks and cheesy science documentaries, we looked up and finally, we finally made it to Ikea.

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There is something I realised. When you are with your best friend, you can talk about whatever weirdness and shibbyshabbiness you have on your mind and not give a single worry in the world about what they will think about you. It's a comforting sort of feeling and a special one at it too. 

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Simon and his bike and me.. running weirdly.

We were drenched, and I mean, omg-people-are-looking-at-us drenched. Our hair was matted in rain water and we looked like singing in the rain hobos!

The entrance leading up to Ikea looked like a staircase to heaven… this isn't even a cliché I’m using for the purpose of using a cliché. Ikea damn looked like it came straight out of my crazy dreams. The pristine clean environment, the lighting,  the colouring of the interiors, restaurants boxed within glass rooms, restaurant filled with toy tables and chairs, 5 dollars for a pack of chocolates, it was all to dreamy to be true. The environment didn’t seem real either, all the other places I’ve been to never ever make their environment look so.... not sure what the word is but, I can tell that they put a lot of effort into the interior design of this place and it made me a feel a little weird, surreal even. Seeing as Ikea is all about interior design and furniture, I suppose they held the upper hand when it came to designing their own buildings to make it welcoming and appealing and that something that most other buildings lack.. DAMMIT, I CAN'T FIND MY WORDS.. time to take up reading more books again now it's the holidays!
I’m not sure, I guess I just really enjoy my surroundings and how it makes me feel ><

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Simon showed me around Ikea’s restaurant.. boy.. everything is all pretty DIY. They have room-sized boxes spotted around the restaurant for ‘nappy changing’ ‘putting dishes in’ ‘extra chairs’ and what not. Simon and I sat down with our food to munch up, the food was quite nice :) a tad dear, but it was edible food. I kept refilling up on my cup of warm milk, which caused me to visit the restroom a number of times within a given certain time frame (being very specific here). Cue exploration of Ikea!
In the restaurant, getting told off by the manager.
 
Simon's own kitchen, who knew he had such great.. 'taste' ahhaaha.

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Weird Lambert moment.

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I had a dream that I was given the title 'Weird Eyes'

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Playing Tetris in my office. 


I think it's the fact that I'm an aesthetic and that I pay great attention to my surroundings, it was these two factors that drew me to the bedrooms display at Ikea. I was.. inlove with those bedrooms.. it looked as though their pixels were extracted straight from a post off Tumblr and combined right infront of my eyes into something that's real instead of just a figment of your imagination. Ikea's a strange place... a place of dreams!  

Following the arrows on the ground, we made our way out of Ikea and back onto the cold, dark streets of Richmond. 
On the way to the train stop, Simon told me scary stories about dead grandpas D: But that didn't give me much of a surprise as catching a glimpse of a flurry of activity forming before my eyes, I saw a knot of people and sensed some hype going on, then I saw a person separate from the knot and walk away.. and that's when I realised that.. HE IS ANDY LEE FROM HAMISH AND ANDY......... AFTER HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!!
When we caught up to him, Andy was about to enter a bar, he was talking with a few mates before he went in.
This is the person that has travelled the world, gone on daring adventures, done the craziest things with his best mate Hamish, slept in a haunted castle in Scotland with Hamish and decided to record farts on ghost tracking devices for the whole night, he and Hamish have taught me about conversing and made me and rest of Australia giggle ourselves silly, this man was an explorer, a dare devil, and I wanted to be like him.  

When I was standing literally 3 meters away from him...
Me: Simon, let's just observe from afar..
Simon: Hell No girlfran (obviously not what he said just me making Simon sound ghetto), GO ASK FOR A PHOTO WITH HIM, GO! 

So that's when I thought, this is now or never, was I scared? Heck yes, I was excited, scared, shocked, but I knew what I had to -terminator Tina mode activated-. I squeezed myself through Andy's friends and poked Andy on the arm , he looked down at me which is when I asked if I could take a pic with him, he said yes without a moment's hesitation, and he put his arm around my waist and Simon helped me take a photo :D After that, I said goodbye to Andy, he said goodbye too, but it wasn't like one of those.. kthanksbye goodbyes, he actually gave me a whole-hearted/sustained goodbye, like I said goodbye and he turned back and said goodbye without making it seem like he was trying to brush me off because he had better things to do then deal with everyday people. That has gained my respect.. think about it, your average non-celeb friends brush you off like a fly, yet someone as famous/popular as Andy Lee would turn back to say goodbye whilst he made his way into the bar with his mates.. 
It makes me wonder if we should all take a leaf from Andy's book. 

After we walked away I could not stop myself from jumping and down like a little school girl! Oh my goodness!!! What were the chances, really? What if we left Ikea a little earlier? or a little later? Or decided to take a different route? What if Simon wasn't telling me scary stories and I was so alert of my surroundings? What if Simon wasn't there to push me to approach Andy?!!
But overall, this was an amazing start to my holidays :) AMAZING I TELL YOU! I 

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Simon and I took a train ride back home and parted ways at the train station to go home.
Being an daring adventurer can be quite tiring.
Before nodding off to sleep, I thoght about all the adventures me and my partner in crime got up today, and what a brand new tomorrow will bring us. It's an exciting life, being a daring adventurer and all. 
 
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fobby engrish