So I just came home from a catch up sesh with a boy, or for the more skeptical, a "date".
And boy, did I get a serious metaphorical beating out of tonight's events.
I came to three very important realisations about myself and the world around me:
1) I can be very cold. I tend to shut myself completely off when somebody advances on me, whether it's because I do so as a cheap joke or most likely because I don't want to let anybody in that easily, but either way, it heeds the same outcome - making my friend here feel the icy draft I emit by being "too cool" for them.
Furthermore, I wasn't taking the whole reciprocating thing too seriously, no, I wasn't taking it seriously at all, I saw it as a complete joke. If he made a move, I just drew back and watched him fall into a tumble in front of me.
Now, I don't mean to say that oh yes! I must show everybody that I love them even if I really don't! My body is ready! But what I think I now realise that even if I don't accept it their advances or their gesture of warmth towards me, at least I can show that I appreciate them, and not laugh in their face and treat them as though they're specks of dust.
This leads me to 2) Not being so self-centered. I, hate to admit this to myself, but my date was cold, hungry, extremely tired and he also traveled a rather long way to catch up with me tonight, and what did I do? I carried on with my plans for the night, he was obediently following along until it probably accumulated to a point in which he had enough of me. I noticed his presence, but I failed to notice him as a person, a being with feelings, hopes, dreams and a need to feel loved and cared about too, not a rag doll being dragged by the hair all over the place. I feel as though his patience wore off after a while because he couldn't put up with someone who just couldn't understand him.
3) The reason 2) happened was also because I wasn't paying attention, which is something I really need to do in life if I want to succeed. I think being myopic, immature and happy-go-lucky really inhibits my ability to see further than what I have in front of myself, which is myself. The world does not revolve around you and your cuteness Tina, unless that is your world, a world where no friend is in sight because you scared them all off, oh what a lonely world you will be living in...
I'm going to apologise to my friend now >.<